or i mean the thrill was not gone but the idea of anyone else reading or seeing any of this was discomfiting. the original point was just to draw pictures in a little blank book of how my feelings are hurt/i feel fucked up/stuff is cool/stuff is fucked up/stuff is hilarious just to like fucking get through shit you know?  like my heart was bad busted up and this was a good secret recovery technique. but i'll say, not being all supersecretmouse about shit i'm doing is kind of fun, too.