Monday, May 4, 2015

this is a comic all about how my life got flip turned upside down

so when i was kind of processing this day or whatever and thinking about making a comic of it, at first i was like "oh right these feelings have their roots in my relationship with michael, where i would try really hard to be someone he would admire and he would just fucking slice me to ribbons with his cold indifferent judgy shade-throwing"but THEN i was like "oh wait no actually the roots are back in like middle school probably where those girls called me a whore when i thought i had a cool outfit on and then threw french fries at me at lunch" but THEN i remembered i have always been this way.
it is just really easy for me to feel like you hate me, that's like my move
to just crumble into horrified sorrow
and want only to disappear
and never have been seen
and never be seen again.

so this is a comic about how that is still kind of the preset setting for me and maybe it always will be i don't even fucking know but point being the like seriously wondrous massive difference that has finally kind of sunk in after years of effort is: 1. turnaround on this shit is like lightyears faster than it was ever able to be, like i used to get sad and stay sad for days and now i just don't; and 2. my life is full to overflowing with people i love, i love them so much, and when you have filled your life with people you love it is so much harder to get buried in that tempting hole of self-loathing for more than a little minute every now and again.

it's just really fucking incredible.