i've drawn this before but

it's the center of everything. every time i read something about feeling your feelings and then not using them to help yourself become a monster i feel like i have rediscovered an alphabet.

the midwest and the damage done

i did a series of comics while visiting minnesota this past fall, on a family trip to scatter my grampa's ashes. some of the stuff that happened while we were there was too dark to draw about, or at least too dark to share the drawings, but some of it is just dark enough.

my mother not knowing a better way to share in someone's happiness than to make an unfunny joke about it being potentially full of shit and on its way down the tubes is pretty key to the way things move and shake in my heart.

and then gram just needing an outlet for shrieking.

this is a comic all about how my life got flip turned upside down

so when i was kind of processing this day or whatever and thinking about making a comic of it, at first i was like "oh right these feelings have their roots in my relationship with michael, where i would try really hard to be someone he would admire and he would just fucking slice me to ribbons with his cold indifferent judgy shade-throwing"but THEN i was like "oh wait no actually the roots are back in like middle school probably where those girls called me a whore when i thought i had a cool outfit on and then threw french fries at me at lunch" but THEN i remembered i have always been this way.
it is just really easy for me to feel like you hate me, that's like my move
to just crumble into horrified sorrow
and want only to disappear
and never have been seen
and never be seen again.

so this is a comic about how that is still kind of the preset setting for me and maybe it always will be i don't even fucking know but point being the like seriously wondrous massive difference that has finally kind of sunk in after years of effort is: 1. turnaround on this shit is like lightyears faster than it was ever able to be, like i used to get sad and stay sad for days and now i just don't; and 2. my life is full to overflowing with people i love, i love them so much, and when you have filled your life with people you love it is so much harder to get buried in that tempting hole of self-loathing for more than a little minute every now and again.

it's just really fucking incredible.

this is just to say

you know how you go back and forth on whether you should keep doing the art stuff you like doing or whether you should just bury your idiot brain in the internet forever because who even fucking cares about you you are so annoying

which is itself annoying

that whole premise

like you can only do stuff if you're good enough

it's just dumb

you would never say that to someone you love

like hey stop doing that you're not good enough

it doesn't fucking matter

you can just do whatever

and you can do whatever whenever 

that is also true

fits and starts

it's fine

you're ok

and you can do this because you need to or because it's good for you or because you like it or because you don't care about anything anyway like literally it doesn't matter

this world is burning all around you

nothing is yours

not even your body

especially your body

keep going

you are having a wonderful time

a helpful psa

ok so we have some popular fq&a's for this one here we go:

q: hannah are you wearing a fancy dress in this!

a: yes! 

q: also earrings?

a: yes also earrings!

q: you look so pretty!

a: thank you i know.

q: hannah why do you also have no pants on tho

a: because this is a comic about dating on the internet

q: what

a: also it is about pussies

q: great

a: next q pls

q: hannah this is your mother is it ok for me to read this?

a: mom no pls get out of here

q: what does bf & af mean

a: mom i said gtfo of here i am cereal

q: this isn't your mom i am just an idiot!

a: ok sorry it means BEFORE FUCKING and AFTER FUCKING

q: oh duh of course

a: yeah seriously wth

q: why are you fucking up with layout and negative space!

a: listen everything in my life is crazy rn ok cool it idk

q: i love you

a: ok i love you too bye

sayonara trashbag #2: some history

oh so one thing about these comics is i am kind of just doing them as sloppily and quickly as i can/as i feel like

like ok art is a thing but fuck it what is this a museum no it's the internet, the internet is for feelings

breakup comics/sayonara trashbag

hi hello it's me i'm here. 

in january i broke up with michael, with whom i had been living for two years, dating for three. 

i had wanted to break up with him, off and on, for . . . three years. 

there are just some very dumb lame reasons why i got together with him and some very dumber lamer reasons why i stayed and while i don't have an outline or anything what i have been doing lately is comicsing about it because as you can imagine there's a bunch of fucking garbage backed up in my psyche. 

dealing with someone for three years with whom you would rather not deal will take a toll and it will be a long time before i think about men in general as being even a category with which i want to have any personal engagement and a LONG fucking time before i genuinely trust admire or like one again. 

or maybe not who knows maybe i will fall in love with some dum dum tomorrow but anyway this is just greetings and salutations i have been in a lil dumb hole of my own devising for too long and now i'm hopping around in some green green grass again and want to comics about it good morning.

a parable

I work with a woman who, in the most shitty, boring, derivative, uninteresting way, constantly regales everyone around her with lurid details of her personal life, mostly of a sexual nature. It's gotten to the point where 100% of the women and about 98.9% of the men won't even engage with her anymore, just out of sheer disgust. Like no one who knows me would ever accuse me of being anything less than enthusiastic about filthy jokes and offensive humor/subjects in general but man. There is such a huge difference between stuff that's clever and funny and dirty and stuff that's just a sad fucking plea for sexual attention because you've reduced yourself to having nothing else to offer. The latter is super unnerving to listen to, like watching someone beg for validation right before your eyes. She's a thirty-four year old adult who subjects you to nonstop inane prattle about herself, delivering all her material in the most terrible dumb lame Stand Up Comic Voice, and has I think literally never said anything that wasn't deeply and tragically unoriginal. It sucks. I don't know if it's her goal to just make as huge an ass out of herself as possible or what but that is what she has achieved. Like you feel real fucken bad for her because Jesus Christ what a sad empty creep, but also totally skeeved out and angry, because why the fuck is it ok for her to totally emotionally molest everyone all day every day. Super super super shitty. Anyway recently we had a work meeting and she had the sheer idiot gall to raise her hand and complain about getting too much sexual attention. It's been a year and a half of us all just trying to get through the day without being subjected to whatever gross pathetic wheedling she's angling for at the moment, and so it was a shock to hear her say this but also kind of a relief. Like oh she is just literally out of her fucking mind ok got it. Afterwards I was saying how it would be the equivalent of me or Rachel, who love dogs and talk about them all day, raising our hands and complaining that people try and talk to us about dogs. Batshit.

had to use lil rascal's bike for a while

fungus mungus plans a vacation

my house

from an exercise we did for this class i took at sva

helping customers about plants at work

oriana and i discuss just normal shit we've been up to lately

fancy drank invented by imogen

i love my bf

haven't been putting comics on here in a while but when is a better time to begin again than now. been trying to learn how to use paint, like watercolors specifically, and finish a children's book i've been working on forever. anyway here is a thing i made for michael because he is good, and good for me.

where has u been, precious

hi i still draw comics i just usually don't do the whole scan color ink upload shebang these days, mostly i just draw them on like notebook paper or some crap and take a picture so follow me on tumblr? if you want to still see them, plus all the loads of other marvelous crap i find, i am the best at tumblr, OR friend me on fb, i post a lot of them there, but also i am horrible on fb so maybe don't friend me there.  

here is something for you just a sliver a sampling a slice of the marvelous things i find and post.  

anyway this is just a public service announcement since this is my blogspot but i ignore it lately.  it's still cool you can still hang out here.  anyway see you around bye.